Friday, February 11, 2011

1 Year Ago (and a few days)...

Last year at this time we were getting use to a child that no longer poo'd into an illy bag, but poo'd in his diaper like a normal 5 month old should! For the first time we were worried about chronic diaper rash and not tummy rash and irritated skin from his illy bag being removed so many times... But more importantly the long and tiresome journey of doctor visits, waiting rooms, surgeons, nurses and the unknown of whats next was over! We had our baby put all the way back together (minus an appendices because it was in the way and it was one less surgery Porter would end up having later). We were able to enjoy our child, like most parents get to do right away...
Porter did something to me, he changed me forever.
He changed the way that I look at life, my appreciation for it is so much more because of him!
I am stronger, if someone told me that I was going to have to go through all of that I would have laughed and said not me, I will never make it... there were many times that I called my mom crying telling her that I can't possibly handle another thing, I can't take anymore, most of the time there was more, and I found that my words did not hold true, I could handle it and I did, because what other choice do you have?
Porter made me believe, believe that human strength does not come from age, it is something that is instilled in us, one never knows there own limits until those limits are pushed!
I learned gratitude, it amazed me that someone else could truly have his best interest at heart, the doctors and nurses that we saw daily, truly did have his best interest at heart, they cared for him as though he was their own, I will NEVER be able to show them our gratitude and appreciation they are truly amazing human beings.
He taught me patience, that sometimes waiting for something is much better then rushing into it, when Porter was born we were told that he wouldn't go home with an ostomy, that they would do the surgery before he left. We went home with an ostomy and at first I was upset about it, because I wanted my baby to be "normal" when we got home, I didn't want to have to come back and have more surgeries. Had we done the surgery before he left (when he was a little more than a month old) we would have most likely had problems and ended up with a permanent ostomy, it took a lot of patience to come to terms with that. It also took a lot of patience dealing with leaky ostomy bags :)
He taught me about love! With all that Porter had wrong with him that never took away from the love that we had for him! Our love was not determined by the fact the he was a healthy baby, we loved him because he was our child and we had a bond with him, no matter what his condition was. Love is not built on an idea of "normalcy" or "the right way", it is a feeling an ability to allow yourself that connection with someone.
Most importantly Porter taught me to go with the flow, accept change (both of our children did). We were not granted the gift of normal pregnancies, normal births, or normal leaving the hospital/first day home, but we got through it and we appreciated those milestones, that most parents never have, we learned from them and enjoyed them. We had to alter our perception of "normal", we had to get over the thought that we would get to bring our baby home after 2/3 days in the hospital, we had to change our thought that all of our friends and family could come see the us & the baby in the hospital after it was born. Change is a part of life and sometimes we have no choice but just sit back and go with the flow!
Porter is an astonishing child, with an amazing love for life, his personality is derived from his early challenges, I am 100% sure of that. I look at his picture that is sitting in front of me, with that big smile and can't help but tear up, because I am amazed and thankful for all of the things that he has overcome! He is no longer the baby with Gastro or the baby that has Cranio or the infant with an illy bag, he is just a normal 17 month old little boy, who loves life, loves his family and loves to smile, laugh and be silly!
  We love you P!
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1 comment:

  1. Porty Pistol, you are such a sweetheart! You are lucky to have such a great Mommy and Daddy and Brother that love you so very much.